How to Fight

Phyian Karinge
Mar 14, 2022
5 min read

Updated: Mar 17, 2022

How to stand up, speak up and push for what you believe in without the choking grips of the ego

It has been a week of fighting; fighting with friends and family and I would like to share with you what I have learned from it.

(POV - 7th March 2022)

Recently, an unfortunate incident happened where a young woman was harassed by a group of men in public.

It was heartbreaking.

Social media was in an uproar, particularly women because it could have been either of us.

As we spoke out in anger and for many, through tears against the situation, we were met with a lovely group of men on a mission to gaslight.

This created more anger and hurt, especially because some of these men were our family, friends, and colleagues.

It's easy to fight objectively for things that don't affect you on a personal level, or abstract problems that don't directly hurt you.

The hardest thing, I learned with this incident was fighting when it was personal, when it hit home and when it hurts you.

It felt personal.

Their lack of full support towards her felt like the lack of support towards us.

We called them out and we held them accountable, but for many, it turned ugly.

So then, if we choose to be brave to call wrong out, how do we do it without the chains of the ego?

Here are a few things that I learned that will help us fight better next;

1) Reduce your separateness

‘How can somebody do that.’ ‘She is not a good person ' Us vs them'

The core of the ego is separateness.

The ego seeks to enforce our of sense separateness from people and situations and causes us to feel different from everyone else.

Eckhart Tolle describes this in A New Earth as increasing the otherness of others.

Defining someone else as terrible, ultimately deems you as the better and superior person.

But Phyian? How am I not separate from an abusive monster or a rapist or a murderer?

I know this one is a hard one for me too.

But at the core it is true.

We are not different at all.

When we peel off our bodies and bones, what's left is the same.

We are all from the same Source.

Different pieces of the same cake.

It is important that we understand that the difference in who we are begets in our choices and actions. Other than that, we are literally one being.

The ego loves to make us forget, so that we see ourselves as better and different, and in essence more superior.

There is a difference between 'He/She is a monster' and ‘He/she made a monstrous choice’

The second statement alludes to oneness, that you are no different from the other person save from the choices you made.

I say this while still in practice.

But I tried it; I pictured the men I was angry at, and saw their monstrosities as choices, rather than it being who they were and their was an inner expansion in my soul.

A room for forgiveness and perhaps love...

And in that it becomes easier or less debilitating to fight.

Needless to say, it is important to feel all the feelings, because you cannot conquer what you haven't accepted.

Then as you step forward to fight, be conscious of the ego's bid to increase separateness.

It’s easier to have compassion when the space between you and other is lessened.

When you fight for something with compassion, you are more likely to win. It is a universal law. Yield = Yield

2) Choose your battles wisely

“Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.”

Remember that song? By Kenny Rodgers? It's called Gamblers, my 90's babies, you know what I'm talking about.

'You've gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em'

'Every gambler knows, that the secret to survivin'

Is knowin' what to throw away

And knowin' what to keep'

Here it is;

Nuff said.

3) Take yourself from the center of the battle

I’m a Christian believer, and I remember reading somewhere that the reason why many of us grapple with depression and anxiety is because we are the center of many things.

We feel that we must control everything.

The ego is at play when it wants to control or defend.

Instead, remove yourself from the center, allow something bigger than you to lead you.

When something bigger than us is placed at the center, we are likely to surrender control and fight better.

If you are fighting for an important cause, you must pay mind to the cause being the center. This will help to stay objective and sober and in turn, keep the ego at bay.

4) Stop complaining and remain solution oriented.

Complaining is one of the ego's favorite strategies for strengthening itself.

When you are in the grip of the ego, complaining, especially about other people, is habitual and, of course, unconscious...

The unconsciousness in you sees the unconsciousness in others.

In other words; the dysfunction in you sees the dysfunction in others.

The fault may be there, but by focusing on it, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else, you amplify it.

So instead, focus on finding a solution. If a solution is out of your hands or control, then that is a battle you must let go of.

5) Love – Fight with love

I’ll leave you with a quote from the book, Ego is the enemy.

And why should we feel anger at the world? As if the world would notice - Euripides

Hate is a heavy emotion to carry,

But in the ring of a fight, love is hard, when all you feel is hatred, resentment, and anger.

I can't stress enough the importance of feeling the bad feelings.

FEEL, CRY, SCREAM, EXERCISE, so you can release them and avoid carrying them with you.

The goal is not to avoid heavy emotions, but to ensure that at the end of it, you let them go.

This will help you travel light.

The goal is to travel light.....say it with me.

The goal is to travel light

6) Daily sweeping – sweep your ego daily

Do you sweep your house once and get done with cleaning forever?

I certainly hope not.

You will, at some point, regress into your egoic habits, but the key is to sweep, to check in as often as you can, to look at your intentions, actions, and feelings and in that continuously grow and develop.